Friday, February 1, 2008

my lord and stubborn me


oh yes thats true ,am really stubborn when it comes to God and I. How come i have to pray all the time...yes God saidwe should pray without ceasing...jeesh! i have to talk all the time...every time i get this beep in my mindthat i dont pray well and that my prayer life is crumbling..even when i try to pray at night i sleep off without ending my prayer or concluding..i repeat this over and over every other nightcan you see how stubborn i am or should i say am lazy or even non-chalant...na i still call it stubbornk..i cant pray all that much so why cant i just em! read the bible....ha! the internet is there to distract me..gosh! is that why he took it away from me...and yet i still dont deep myself in his word all that much.what about times when he tells me to greet all those people i call proud,rude and there there..lol..i try to pass themby without greeting them and this i know is wrong...but i, why would i greet all this people,cant they say alittle hello..but God you know that i greet people alot and when it comes to people that are greedy and saucy i wont wanna greetAt the end of the day i see ,am only justifying myself and judging them..lol..how stubbornwhat can i do to this..this is practical stubborness....stubbornability..lol....ok this aint funny oh! its really bad that i felt i needed deliverance..yes o...cos i felt spiritually dead..whichis very dangerous.so if i cant get one of these into practical,then i mean!!!! whats the essence of my christianity!!whats christianity then ,when i cant apply it to my everyday life and off what use is religion when i cant pleasemy maker..jeeesh! religion or being religious has blind folded me to believing i have it all...jessh!
anyway this is between my lord and I and its high time i start doing what he wants me to do because have come to realise that his will for my life always create somekind of stand and re assurance...i dont need anybody to tell me this,this is something i see and confirmed by the bible...oh! did i forget to tell you that apart from all this i love the bible..so very much...as they say there is nothing new under the sun..i tell there's something better than this phrase pertaining the bible..which is that there is nothing new to the bible....as in.. there is nothing the bible doesnt have to say about..it has just precisely everything..its the perfect book.
ok enough all this !!i am getting better the more i pray... am even getting to know him more and more...and the more i get to know him just feels as if i never knew him b4..he's now my bestfriend n i always start up the quarrell,...lol..but he is merciful and loving..i always meet him where i left him..he is gentle and erm high too..this my bestfriend is very stricthe is very plain and he understands me more than any other person including myself.....
he is free,i get very excited in his presence..but sometimes i get very scared when he comes in full force..i even run out of the room cos of all the mightiness..may he forgive me!!!
even when i do something and am afraid to go to his presence,sometimes i still feel his love and it brings me closer that i feel am wrapped up in something that would not let go off me...some confidence that overshadows.....i dont know why some one wld love me this way and just wait till i improvenow i can wake up 3 oclock to pray and pray for strenght to fast and do other things i never thought i could domercy really said no that he aint gonna let me go...yes thats it!!everyday now its my lord and stubborn me perfecting me for the best and the correction is my lord and upcoming me....lolmy lord and me

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the club!! I've been getting lazier and lazier recently (I blame it on uni life :P ). I try to pray properly before going to ebd and end up saying a very short prayer I've been reciting since I was in primary school. It's reading bad. As for the bible, I don't believe everything I read and I feel like I've read nealy everything in it...I think that explains why I don't bother going to church as well. But I feel really guilty at the same time for feeling/thinking this way. Mayb God forgive me and make me a better disciple!! Amen!!

Iyalode said...

hmmm, janet i know the feeling
sometimes am so into God
and sometimes i just feel very weak and lazy... put your heart into it and listen to those Christian music. it works.